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Haiybo – breaking news….into lots of little pieces

PRETORIA. The ANC has defended Youth League leader and prominent academic Julius Malema, saying his latest outburst in which he accused rival party COPE of being a Western puppet like Zimbabwe’s opposition party, is not evidence that he is severely retarded but was instead inspired by his current favourite toy: a Wild West-themed puppet show.

Malema was widely quoted in the national media yesterday as saying that COPE was being funded by “imperialists” who wanted to “micro-manage Africa” and “take over and exploit our mineral resources”, and that they were “no different from the MDC”.

Asked whether it might not be a good idea for imperialists to micro-manage South Africa, given that the ANC seemed to have

Asked whether it might not be a good idea for imperialists to micro-manage South Africa, given that the ANC seemed to have no interest in managing it on either a micro- or a macro-scale, Malema excused himself, saying it was time for his pink milk and a nap.

This morning the ANC has defended Malema’s apparent echoing of Robert Mugabe’s paranoid rhetoric.

Speaking to journalists inside the Snuki Zikalala Friends of Bulgaria Memorial Sauna, ANC spokesman Trepan Phosa denied that Malema was severely retarded.

“One of three things has caused our Young Lion to compare COPE to the MDC and to thereby imply that the ANC is like the Zanu-PF,” he said.

“Either he is severely retarded, or he is a paranoid racist seeking to perpetuate Africa’s death-spiral of endlessly blaming invisible enemies in the West, or he has been misunderstood.”

He said that the first option was “ludicrous”, given the speed with which Malema read Archie comics during policy meetings and the ease with which he has picked up populist rabble-rousing rhetoric about scapegoats and violence.

“He’s also not a paranoid racist blaming the West for all the ills of Africa. On the contrary, he has a very clear and pragmatic idea of who is responsible: witches and evil magic frogs.

“Clearly, then, there has been a misunderstanding.”

He said that Malema was “somewhat obsessed” with Western puppets since being given a Wild West-themed puppet show a month ago.

“It’s really quite lovely,” said Phosa. “It’s got cowboys and Indians, background scenery, everything.”

“He’s always asking us to come and watch his plays, but we don’t because he’s quite bad. He moves his lips when he does the voices. Although come to think of it he moves his lips when he reads his Archie comics, so maybe he can’t help it.”

He added that people should expect sporadic outbursts about Western puppets from Malema.

“It’s really all that’s on his mind at the moment. Literally.

“Perhaps when he gets a new toy he’ll make some different allegations. But for now South Africans need to respect Comrade Malema’s lifestyle choices, and stop being so mean to him.”

He asked the media to give Malema his privacy as he was having pink milk until noon, after which it was naptime.

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